TO HELL WITH BINKY
by AnvilAndy
Summary: Garfield gets rid of Binky the Clown once and for all... or DOES he? R&R, No flames, please. Rated T for Teen


"Garfield & Friends" has been one of my favorite long-running Saturday morning cartoon shows on T.V... What follows is a combined tribute to/parody of the pasta-hungry cat's hatred of Binky the Clown on that show.

TO HELL WITH BINKY

A Garfield & Friends Fanfic

by Anvil Andy

Standard Disclaimer: I do not own the Garfield characters. They are the creations of Jim Davis and are the properties of Universal Press Syndicate (formerly United Feature Syndicate), respectively.

(The "Friends are There" intro theme plays - A/N: Yes, I'm aware that, from Seasons 3-6 it was changed to "We're Ready to Party", but I tend to prefer the original theme song! Thank God it's available on the first couple of Seasons on the DVD Boxed Sets, although I love ALL the Seasons and episodes, no matter WGAT the theme song may be! Long live Mark Evanier!)

Garfield's mission statement for this episode: During the commercials, could one of you get up to the refrigerator and get me some Kitty Snacks? Thanks!

Rated T for Teen due to strong language and extreme cartoon violence.

One fine morning, in the Arbuckle household, Garfield was sound asleep when, suddenly, his owner, Jon, called out to him, "GARFIELD! OH, GARFIELD!"

This better be IMPORTANT, Jon, the fat cat was thinking. I was having the most wonderful dream; I was locked in a lasagna warehouse overnight, and I had to EAT my way out!

"Look, Garfield, some mysterious admirer sent you a package!" Jon beamed with excitement.

A package? thought Garfield to himself. But it's not Christmas or my Birthday! Something amiss here.

As the curious cat made his way toward the doorstep upon which said parcel lay, he tugged at the ribbon...

...and out of the box popped a man in a red wig, make-up, a red putty nose, a blue- and green-striped pointy hat and a polka-dot outfit with a tu-tu, who greeted the cat by screaming real loud, "HEYYYYYYY, CAT!"

Oh, NO! Garfield exclaimed in horror. NOT Binky the Clown! You'd think I'd gotten WISE to his ways after about umpteen seasons! he addressed the audience in his matter-of-fact tone of thought. Oh, well, I still know how to take care of that Bozo once and for all!

Garfield dashed over to a glass case which read, in big, bold letters: **BREAK ONLY IN CASE OF HOME INVASION BY BINKY THE CLOWN**, then got out a HUGE cannon and aimed it square at the Clown's heart! As he lit the fuse, Binky waved an accusing finger at him and scolded, "HEYYYYYYY, CAT! YOU WOULDN'T _DARE!_"

Who SAYS? Even Broadcast Standards & Practices doesn't tell ME what to do! the sinister cat smirked. See you in HELL, Clown-Boy!

As Garfield fired the cannon, the explosion was so powerful that it caused the ground beneath him and Binky to erupt...

...and send the fat cat hurtling underground!

Suddenly, Garfield noticed it was getting very HOT down there as he looked around and smelled something.

Hey, what's cooking? Garfield wondered to himself.

Hey, this place smells like...

Oh, NO, it really IS...

I AM in...

...just like the end of that World War II-era Daffy Duck cartoon! he realized.

Oh, well, he concluded. They may not have any lasagna here, but at least I'm free from that loud-mouth clown, Binky!

Just then, however, a nearby Devil unmasked himself to reveal he was, in actuality...

BINKY THE CLOWN!

"Well, now, I wouldn't say THAT, Cat!" the happy harlequin called out with joy.

Binky? Garfield asked in horror. Oh, NO!

"Oh, YES, Cat!" Binky exclaimed gleefully. "I'm gonna be your entertainment for all ETERNITY!"

Oh, well, Garfield shrugged to himself. At least it can't get any WORSE!

But he was wrong AGAIN, for a bunch of OTHER Devils unmasked themselves to reveal...

Nermal? Cactus Jake? The Buddy Bears? Garfield recoiled in horror once more.

"Howdy, there, Garfunkel!" Cactus Jake greeted him. "HOT enough for ya down here?"

Oh, NO! Garfield gasped. This really IS Hell!

Naughty, naughty, Garfield! Nermal scolded. Using the "H" word isn't CUTE! We'll have to wash your mouth out with SOAP! And, so saying, or, rather, thinking, he stuffed a bar of soap down the fat cat's mouth, which he promptly spit out!

And, as if THAT weren't enough torture for our hero, the Buddy Bears began to burst into song:

"_Oh, we are the Buddy Bears, we always get along,_

_We do a little dance, we sing a little song,_

_You are here with us throughout Eternity,_

_Oh, we are the Buddy Bears, we always get along!_"

And, with that, Garfield began screaming as his worst nightmares ever chased him into the distance.

Meanwhile, as Jon looked down upon the mists of Hell and saw what had happened, he sarcastically commented towards the webcam, "Well, at least he won't bug me to change his litter box tonight!"

THE END

P.S., Don't take this the wrong way - I really DO love Garfield (and so does Jon, apparently!). It's those OTHER characters I can't stand!

Well 'Bye for now!


End file.
